There are a few things that can hold us back from living the life we want. And none are more hindering than the thoughts we allow to limit the actions we take. The worst part about these thoughts is that they’re lies! They create inner conflicts that keep us from the life we desire and convince us that we don’t deserve better.
In my experience as a life coach over the years nothing can create a bigger breakthrough in someone’s life than the identification and replacement of these inner conflicts. In my own life, that has certainly been the case. Because I want you to be limitless in your pursuit of the future that fulfills you, let’s take the lid off.
The lie you believe that keeps you settling for less than you deserve is at the core of every failure and hesitation in your life. It showed itself as a truth when you were young and needs to be exposed as false. Your future depends on it.
Life’s Greatest Fear
I was rejected a lot growing up. My experience of being fired by the church was not my first trip to the rejection rodeo. I’d lived a life full of it. My dad, my coaches, my classmates, my teachers, my family, my churches, and my friends all sent a strong message to me growing up. You’re not enough.
That dream you have? You’re not enough.
That job you want? You’re not enough.
That marriage you want? You’re not enough.
That business idea you have? You’re not enough.
That person you want to be? You’re not enough.
You’re not enough is an attack on our identity. Its message is received as a judgment of our person. We don’t question it. We accept it. We arrive at the conclusion that it is who we are. We begin to operate out of its expectations. We see ourselves as less than who we really are. We fall into the trap of believing the lies that have been told to us. I’m not enough becomes our new slogan and we begin to radiate with the energy of rejection.
Don’t call on me in class. I’m not enough.
Don’t give me the promotion. I’m not enough.
Don’t ask me to be the leader. I’m not enough.
Don’t ask me to marry you. I’m not enough.
Don’t invest in me. I’m not enough.
Do you see what begins to happen? We become so focused on I’m not enough that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We invite everyone around us to let us down. We begin to expect to be hurt so that we’re never disappointed or discouraged. We now know what to expect. We’re going to be let down because no one is worthy of trust, therefore we trust no one.
That was me. I trusted no one. Especially not myself. How could I? I’m not enough…remember?
You see, friends, the fear of rejection really all boils down to the feeling of inadequacy. That feeling that comes from deep within that tells us we’re not going to be able to handle whatever comes our way. That we don’t have what it takes. But it’s the fear that lies beneath that feeling of not being enough that is really our greatest fear. And that’s the fear of not being loved.
When we accept the thought that we’re not good enough, then we don’t put ourselves in situations where people have to rely on us. And when people aren’t expecting anything from us, then they can’t be let down and we can’t be hurt. But we also can’t be loved. Because to love is to risk it all. The hurt. The rejection. The inadequacy. The vulnerability. But that risk is too great when we’re in a state of fear. So we settle for lives less than we desire so that we can pretend to have control over the hurt others can cause us.
Enough Is Enough
What happens to us in this process? We become impostors. Fakes. Counterfeits. False versions of ourselves circulating in social circles looking for places we feel like we belong. Victims to a reality we didn’t make for ourselves and prisoners of a life we don’t really want.
By accepting that we are not enough we attract the circumstances and situations that make it true for us. Life continues to tell us we’re not enough, and we get ever more entrenched in the story that we really don’t have what it takes.
We become harbingers of fate. Victims of whatever life throws at us. We hand our personal power over to the people and circumstances around us instead of taking personal responsibility for how our lives turn out. We blame the world for all our problems, conveniently never owning any of the problems that come our way. How can we be responsible for this, right? We’re not enough? Remember?
But what is enough? When do we ever arrive at enough? What does it look like? What does it feel like? Can any of us actually answer these questions?
Is that how you want to live? Constantly needing to become what someone else thinks is enough?
In our family you have to act this way.
In our school you must behave this way.
In our church you should do this our way.
In this relationship I need you to be this way.
That’s not how I wanted to live anymore. I knew it was time for me to take my power back. I desired a different way of life, one of victory instead of defeat. And that’s why acceptance was so important. I had to accept who I was and that I was enough before I could offer anything to anyone.
And that’s the decision that you must make if you want the freedom to create the fulfilling future you desire. The decision to believe the truth over the lies.
The truth is, you’re more than enough. You were born to handle the pressure. You have what it takes. Other people’s acceptance or rejection of you is never about you, it’s about them. Stop owning their expectations and walk in the confidence of your purpose. You were made to love and be loved. You were made to give your gift and grow into your greatness. You were made for more!
Quit listening to the lie and embrace the truth: you are brighter and more blessed than you could ever possibly imagine! Now live your life in service to the truth and watch your world change. After all, when you live a life of (de-) service (-serve) your always worthy of the future you want!
Declare Your Truth!
So what’s the lie that’s been holding you back from the life you want? Share it with me in the comments section below and declare what the truth really is for you!