Has Shame Got You Stuck?

3 Strategies To Help You Win The Battle For Your Identity

Stuck In Shame

Have you ever felt stuck? You’ve got lots of ideas and many directions you could be taking, but you just feel immobilized. It’s almost like you begin something new, criticize it, and abandon the idea in your mind because you know it will fail all before you’ve even taken any action. If you’ve ever had this experience then shame might be keeping you stuck.

Shame? Can it be? Is it really that hard to believe? Any human being with the capacity for compassion and empathy can experience shame. So, save sociopaths, we’re all at risk of feeling the sting of shame at some point in our lives.

Shame is aimed at our self-worth. It introduces itself as the threat that we aren’t lovable and convinces us that we are unworthy of connection and belonging. When it’s present, our thoughts center on what’s missing instead of what’s there. We become scarcity-minded, are constantly comparing ourselves with others, and are generally disengaged.

Sure, we struggle to keep performing, proving, pleasing, and perfecting for others so that we can fit in, but we never really feel like we belong. We wear a mask to hide our imperfections and stay silent about what really bothers us because we’ve been told that our voice doesn’t matter. When something pokes our sore spot, we get defensive and others wonder what’s wrong with us.

According to Brene Brown’s research on vulnerability, shame, and living wholeheartedly, around 80% of adults live in a struggle for worthiness, and 41% of adults can recall a stifling emotional experience where their creativity was criticized. The resulting shame altered the way they felt about themselves and became a part of their identity.

So, shame is a battle for your identity. In the human psyche there’s nothing more powerful than what you believe to be true about yourself. It affects every single action you take, every single day. We will seek to act in alignment with who we think we are because we have a deep need to feel congruent with those beliefs about ourselves. I refer to identity as “the force that shapes our destiny” because our destination is determined by our decisions, and our decisions are determined by our identity.

So, how do we get out of the shame cycle? Here are 3 strategies that will help you out. 

Change This To Quickly Increase The Quality Of Your Life

Increase The Quality of Your Life

So what if I told you that there was this one thing that, if you changed it, would exponentially increase the quality of your life for the better? Would you be interested? I hope so! Because the reality of many of our lives is that we’re not happy with how things are and we’d like to make things better but just don’t know why we don’t feel like doing it.

I shared in a previous post about how distraught I became after the release of my book in January and how I struggled with feelings of depression and discouragement as a result. But what I didn’t share with you was one of the most powerful tools I used to get out of that rut and get back on track to feeling a greater sense of meaning, purpose, and satisfaction with life.

One of the most powerful ways we can transform the quality of our lives almost overnight is to change the way we’re evaluating our world. And if you want to quickly increase the quality of your own life it’s time to ask better questions. 

5 Ways To Stop Sabotaging Your Success

The definitive guide to getting out of your own way

Don't Shoot Yourself In The Foot

Sometimes it feels like we are destined to fail. We achieve something great only to have life bring us down. We take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Things are really going well in our lives and then the bottom drops out. It feels familiar to us and unfair all at the same time. We know something’s wrong, but what could it be?

Have you ever felt this way? If you have, then you may be subconsciously sabotaging your success. I know, I know…Why would anyone deliberately destroy something they worked so hard for? Why would anyone want to become the cause of their own failure? Well, the simple answer is…no one would! And yet many of us find ourselves stuck in the cycle of self-sabotage without realizing that it is ourselves that have created our own circumstances.

Maybe you’ve been in a relationship where your partner treats you better than you’ve ever experienced and then, all of a sudden, you feel a reason to distrust them. Maybe you got a promotion at work and then, all of a sudden, you’re extremely unhappy. Maybe you reached a goal that you’ve always wanted and then, suddenly, you feel sick.

After my recent book release, I found myself in a miserable place. I had just accomplished a significant goal in my life and business but I wasn’t happy. In fact, I felt discouraged, powerless, and unsuccessful. Why? Why had a new height in my personal success story been followed by a new low?

The truth is, none of us are immune to self-sabotaging behaviors. And if we want to be truly successful in our lives and businesses then we’ll need some tools in our kit to help us break the cycle of these negative and limiting behaviors.

Here are 5 ways to stop sabotaging your success and start living life without limits.